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              我们的恐惧症

              时间:2019-08-17来源:网友提供 作者:拉斐尔·盖格尔 点击:
              我们的恐惧症
               
               
              清晨拥挤不堪的地铁里,和老板约谈的期限前,飞机起飞前,医生诊室门前,食堂闲聊时,用英语讲电话时,女儿应该在家却没人应声时,看到账户余额时……你大汗淋漓,肚子疼痛,心跳加速,感觉自己异常孤独、弱小,却不好意思承认。
               
              你不是一个人,几百万人和你一样在这座“恐惧”的大山前徘徊,迟迟不敢跨越,而山后就有他们一直梦想的自信、快乐的生活。保守估计约有10%的德国人因为害怕,所以从未乘坐过飞机,每30个德国人中就有一人患有需要治疗的社交恐惧症,其中1/3的人有恐惧症病史。而在探讨该如何应对自身恐惧之前,首先要弄清楚的是,我们究竟为何会害怕?
               
              恐惧之源
               
              我们弱小吗?答案是肯定的。进化太过缓慢,几千年过去了,我们仍然和石器时代的人类一样生活在陆地上,我们的身体无法适应9千米以上的高度。此外,我们乘坐的船下面是海洋而不是令人踏实的陆地,这也让我们害怕。
               
              在遇到野生动物时,我们祖先幸存下来的原因只有一个:他们跑开了。
               
              一些特定的恐惧症,例如蜘蛛恐惧症,可保护人类免受有毒蜘蛛的攻击。当几千年来只剩下无害的蜘蛛之后,我们才慢慢忘记了这种恐惧。如今有些人在某些诱因下可能重新陷入对蜘蛛、老鼠和狗等动物的恐惧中。你害怕得病吗?或许你每次头痛时就会怀疑自己是不是得了肿瘤。对致命疾病的恐惧与对死亡的恐惧类似,认为死亡只是通往另一个世界的桥梁的人更不易得病。因此宗教能为我们带来恐惧,也能带走恐惧。
               
              你已经几年没有开过车了,因为你害怕你可能情绪失控、堵塞交通或是引发事故。还有一种恐惧你很可能之前从未听说过:对呕吐或呕吐物的恐惧。你可能觉得这很荒唐——在这类恐慌症患者心中,公共厕所和派对是非常危险的场所。
               
              恐惧是如何发展的,是否成为疾病,在很大程度上受教育影响。忧心忡忡、保护欲强的父母养育的孩子长大后更易胆怯,因为他们缺乏和恐惧打交道的经验。
               
              如果父母冷漠、消极,从不关心孩子,总是批评而不是鼓励,孩子长大成人后就更容易恐惧。在他们还太小时,负面经历就接踵而至,使得孩子变成一个什么都不敢做、总是想着“我不行”的人。
               
              这是一种思维的恶性循环。你下班时害怕坐地铁,因为你知道会很拥挤。可能你度过了糟糕的一天,地铁突然紧急刹车让你恐慌不已,而你的大脑将这糟糕的一天和你在地铁的经历联系在一起,地铁从此成为你的敌人。你并没有注意到这一点,一切都在潜意识里发生。你只会在一段时间后发现,你突然得了幽闭恐惧症。你开始避免坐地铁,选择骑自行车,但是很快你就发现,你不只是害怕地铁,你开始对以前非常正常的场景产生恐惧感。你会发现到处人都太多,你不敢再去超市,周末也不能再在步行街上闲逛。
               
              什么给你压力
               
              压力是恐惧最好的帮凶,没有压力往往也就没有恐惧。举个例子:很多不得不经常坐飞机的商务人士都恐惧飞行,但是他们中的很多人都只在去出差的航班上,也就是在商务会谈之前出现症状,在返程的飞机上就不会。原因很简单:去出差时他们有压力。刚刚升职的人往往容易恐惧,他们常常对新任务充满忐忑,倍感压力。
               
              另一个例子:你害怕入睡。实际上你总是在周二晚上害怕入睡,因为周三上午你要和老板会面。你不愿承认你害怕会面,于是逃避地认为自己是害怕入睡。你想起之前很多周二的夜晚都无法入睡,所以这周二你也很难入睡,而将来在所有会谈之前你都会难以入睡。不管是星期几,你的身体都会出现恐惧入睡的症状,而这让你觉得安心:毕竟害怕入睡比害怕老板听起来要好得多。
               
              当代知名极限攀岩家亚历山大·胡贝尔曾说:“做出开始攀爬的决定是最困难的,一旦到了岩壁上,一切就都好了。”在他看来,最可怕的其实是对恐惧的恐惧,对攀爬中没有退路时刻的恐惧。实际上,对从岩壁上坠落的恐惧使得他能够幸存下来,它指挥着他的身体,而他的生命正悬于此。
               
              调整自己
               
              接下来就比较简单了:调整自己,保持积极的心态。
               
              每个人每天都会和自己进行3000~5000段简短的对话,大部分都是鸡毛蒜皮无关紧要的、很快就消失不见的想法。如果你时常恐惧,那么你的很多思想肯定都是消极的。你总是在担心“这我永远做不到”,而不是相信“应该没问题”。
               
              你马上要参加一门考试。你对自己说:“只有一周了,我怎么可能学会所有这些东西?”或是“我必须得满分”,或是“满分我肯定得不到,我不够聪明”,抑或“这老师很严厉,他肯定不会让我过”。
               
              然而,只有当你将恐惧转化为正能量时,你才会幸运。别把恐惧看成敌人,恐惧让你进步,对考试的一定程度的恐惧可以让你开始学习。你需要注意,避免让你的人生遵循带有“必须”这个词的准则:我的人生必须按照我设想的那样发展,每一天都必须按计划进行,老师必须称赞我的报告,其他人必须嫉妒我,我必须强大,必须完美。这些想法会导致你无法忍受失败,为正常的事情感到沮丧。
               
              别为那些你无法改变的事情大伤脑筋。口试时,你边说边想:“老师肯定注意到了我在发抖,他肯定不会再好好听我说了。”你没有注意到,大部分问题你都回答得很好。
               
              当你想到那些让你害怕的场景时,会心跳加速、胃部不适、汗流不止。你的身体处于压力之中,做点对抗压力的事情,就是在对抗恐惧。试试美国医生雅各布松所创的渐进性肌肉放松法:慢慢绷紧全身肌肉,保持紧张,然后慢慢放松,直至完全放松。在恐惧或大脑重复思维恶性循环时,马上开始运动,有规律地重复。
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