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              雨枫轩原创文学网 - 纯净的绿色文学家园 !

              雨枫轩

              掌心内外

              时间:2017-03-02来源:网友提供 作者:徐江宁 点击:
              掌心内外

                一
               
                在返回老家的火车上,我望着窗外,满脑袋里挥之不去的都是上火车之前,小雨和她妈妈站在月台上向我微笑着摆手的画面。小雨的妈妈蹲在小雨面前,掌心对着自己,一左一右地摆着手;小雨看到妈妈的动作后,掌心向外,一左一右地摆起手。
               
                这是我每想起来都会觉得无比幸福的故事。不过这个故事的主人公,远没有我这么幸福。
               
                因为对当事人来讲,这是一条崎岖且很大概率上是没有终点的道路,在这条路上,充满无尽的艰辛和坚持,要一次一次地接受上帝的宣判,还要在各种流言蜚语的压力下咬着牙,给自己希望和动力。
               
                或者说,这所谓的“希望和动力”只是自我安慰、自欺欺人的谎言,因为不论自己是哭是笑,对面那个纯净的眼神,从来都不会与自己有任何情感上的共鸣。
               
                因为她只活在自己的世界里。
               
                二
               
                这是关于一个10岁自闭症小女孩儿和她母亲的故事。
               
                半年前,一个焦躁烦闷的午后,我把论文交给辅导员后,就赶忙收拾行李,连夜买了站票,只身来到北京。
               
                因为在大学学的是特殊教育专业,尤其在自闭症心理辅导这方面稍微有一些经验,我寻思着找一家自闭症康复中心谋个工作。
               
                在等招聘单位答复的日子,我找了份兼职,就是在一个公园里,穿着卡通服装,扮成熊猫人,发放售楼的广告单。
               
                工作第二天,我认识了一个得自闭症的小女孩儿,她的名字叫小雨。
               
                小雨很乖,但非常沉默。在外人看来,她是一个内向的小女孩儿,可只有她妈妈清楚,小雨几乎不可能理解外向与内向的区别。
               
                可怜的孩子,从出生的那一刻起,就被老天爷剥夺了情感支配权。
               
                孩子的这种“内向与沉默”对于妈妈来说就是一块巨石,无时无刻不压在她那颗惶恐不安的心上。
               
                三
               
                我在发传单的时候,与小雨和她的妈妈照面。
               
                我拿出手中的宣传单,热情地递给小雨的妈妈,并说:“您好,女士,这是望京新开的楼盘,看看吧。”
               
                就在我说完这句话的时候,小雨不知道怎么了,直挺挺地走过来,用脑袋撞击我的腹部,力量很大,就像在射门。
               
                我的身体向后倾倒,手里拿着的一沓广告单被扔得满天飞。不过在后退一步的时候,我还是定了下来,尽管腹部很疼,我还是拼命地往前蹿了一步,用腹部接住孩子的头部。
               
                虽然我当时并不知道小雨有自闭症,但我知道她绝对不是有意的,这显然是一次无意识的暴力袭击。
               
                我当时就断定,这孩子肯定有一定的暴力倾向,并且不受自己大脑的支配和控制。
               
                所以腹部接住孩子的头部后,我下意识地用双手握住孩子的手腕,以防止她对我进行第二轮的攻击。
               
                因为我有相关的学习经验,并且反应及时,所以没有出现更为糟糕的后果。
               
                我用大学学过的专业知识,进行了十多分钟的心理疏导,孩子终于平稳了情绪,又恢复到像石头一般的沉默中。
               
                后来,与小雨妈妈的交流印证了我的判断。孩子因为没有自我意识,这种袭击是不顾后果的。如果当时我不用腹部接住孩子的头部,孩子就会笔直地跌倒,重重地撞在地上。
               
                四
               
                在这场风波之后,我和小雨的妈妈认识并成了朋友。
               
                我深知做自闭症儿童的父母有多不易。我大学学的是特殊教育,参加过很多帮助自闭症儿童的公益活动,见过自闭症儿童的父母是怎么一天一天熬过来的。
               
                他们经常以泪洗面,但对着孩子却要强颜欢笑,可悲的是不论父母是装笑容还是露苦脸,孩子从来都是没有感觉的。可父母依旧笑着,灿烂地笑着,因为他们相信总有一天,他们的微笑会得到回应,孩子也会天真灿烂地回应一个笑容。
               
                小雨很乖,她一出生就很沉默,沉默得让她的妈妈永远处于惶恐的状态,但还是得一次次鼓励自己,用微笑去打破这种沉默。
               
                在我看来,小雨是快快乐乐地生活在自己的世界里。她的世界很单纯,她就是一颗陨石,不带有这个浮躁社会的任何污垢。
               
                我去了小雨家。她妈妈牵着她的小手,冲着她微笑,逗她玩儿。可是小雨并不买账,她把手指头含在嘴里,斜抬着脑袋,冲着天花板,两颗小眼珠子不停地转动,还不停地发出叽里咕噜的声音,口水不停地从嘴角流出,她妈妈耐心地拿手绢给她擦拭着。
               
                我把孩子的手指从她嘴中抽了出来。我告诉小雨的妈妈,以后在孩子做此类动作时,一定要格外注意。自闭症小孩儿的感触神经非常弱,即便把自己的手指咬出血,她都不会觉得疼。最糟糕的是,因为她感觉不到疼,她就不会哭叫,家长若未察觉,孩子就可能受伤。
               
                小雨是不愿意和我们共进晚餐的,她站在我们的饭桌旁,依旧望着天花板,偶尔嘴里呼噜呼噜地,不知道在说什么。
               
                孩子的父母没有胃口,我自然也吃不下多少。用过晚饭之后,小雨的爸爸又专门准备了玉米羹和土豆泥。他笑着对小雨说:“小可爱,看爸爸给你准备的晚饭,都是你喜欢吃的。”
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