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              找个想法一样的人

              时间:2019-08-02来源:网友提供 作者:吴淡如 点击:
              找个想法一样的人

               
                很多人爱讨论一些抽象的假设性问题,例如:是找相似的人好,还是找互补的另一半好?
               
                其实,在幸福的婚姻中,相伴一生的伴侣,几乎都是“相似又互补”的。
               
                相似,指对人生的看法相似。互补,指两人性情中可能一急一缓,一快一慢,一动一静,才可以互相调节。
               
                最近我访问一位非常杰出的女建筑师。她是建筑界的巾帼英雄,有不少传世佳作,而她的婚姻也很幸福。两个女儿都年轻有为,一个是会计师,另一个也是建筑师。她的先生是一位优秀的心内科医师。
               
                两人恋爱史平淡,由长辈介绍认识。老公是个理性的人,他知道她和别的女孩很不一样,她是个“想在自己人生中做点事”的女孩。那时,她还在考建筑师执照的艰辛长路上前进着。
               
                挺着大肚子的时候,她考上了建筑师,一个孩子刚学走路,另一个还在吃母乳时,她开了自己的事务所。没有老公和家人的支持,这很难办到。
               
                先生早就知道她很不喜欢洗碗,家务也做不好,笑笑说:“你还是去做自己想做的事好了。”支持你的人生决策,这是好男人的第一要素。
               
                小夫妻在照顾幼儿等生活琐事上,很多事还得亲力亲为。半夜,她要赶设计图,孩子又哭闹,别的妈妈恐怕会因心力交瘁、焦虑万分而决定回归家庭,把公司和梦想一起收起来——这一收往往是一辈子。可她都走过来了,因为她的医生老公很专业也很冷静,眼看他摸摸孩子的肚子,就能断定是便秘,拿了空针管装水往孩子屁股打进去,不一会儿孩子就不闹了。
               
                她很感谢他的专业,让她不慌不忙,而她也打造了一座城堡给她和家人居住。
               
                他们对人生的看法相似:每个人,活着的时候都该依自己的兴趣与专长做有贡献的事。
               
                在生活中,他们又可以互补。两人都忙,讨论过后,这事不是你处理,就是我处理。生活难事若四件,两人各依专长领两件去,事情就解决了。未必一定要老是“一起解决问题”。
               
                我笑着跟她说,其实依照我的看法,一对伴侣都忙,比一个很忙、一个很闲好很多。两个人各奔理想,互相扶持,也比其中一个人牺牲自己的理想成就另一个人圆满很多。
               
                忙,可以体会人在江湖确实有无奈,不会有空来抱怨“你都没时间理我”“你都不在乎我”“你都没把我摆最前头”,反而能够互相体谅,分担家务。两人各有理想,在一个人遇到挫折时可以真正得到安慰,至少家庭经济还有一人撑着,在自己想走的路上,人生的成败功过自己负责,会活得甘愿些。
               
                一个自认为是牺牲者的人(尤其是现代男女),想要不抱怨、不觉得委屈很困难,当他说“我为你牺牲这么多”时,感情路要平顺,就更困难了。
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