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              一夜长大

              时间:2019-08-02来源:网友提供 作者:叶倾城 点击:
              一夜长大

               
                把父亲从医院接出来之后,他经常在傍晚时,推着父亲的轮椅去附近的小公园散步。那里有一泓湖泊,他不时停下来替父亲擦擦嘴边的涎水,温言细语:“冷不冷?要不要喝水?”天气正渐渐冷起来,湖面上的黑鸭子一只一只飞走,父亲指着鸭子激动地“啊啊”叫,他耐心地和着:“嗯,鸭子鸭子,鸭子飞了。”
               
                来探病的朋友吃了一惊:“你像一夜之间长大了。”
               
                他也没想过会这样。他在家里赖到二十八九岁,日子过得生机勃勃:也恋爱也上班也交友,动不动还和父母吵架——不吵不行呀。父亲节俭,保鲜膜用过再用,一揭开,西瓜上全是鱼腥气;又天真,看到电视上“只要888元”的广告,就打算打电话,被他一顿臭骂,讪讪地又咳嗽又揉鼻子;这么大了,父亲仍然会没事翻他的抽屉,他没好气地吼过去:“翻什么翻?非翻出安全套才甘心呀?”有一天,正吃着饭,突然间,父亲的筷子直抖,菜哗哗撒了半桌子。他正不耐烦,抬头却看见父亲口角歪斜,缓缓倒了下去。
               
                天崩地裂。日子一下子变成:ICU、缴费单、陪床……还要挣扎着去上班。
               
                由不得他想什么,要给父亲擦身,要洗大小便。开始是买成人失禁品,眼看要生褥疮,于是家里的旧床单全成了尿布。每天带回家洗,洗衣机轰轰不休,他倒头就能睡着;洗衣机一停,他“霍”地站起来晾尿布,挂出去好几米,迎风招展。
               
                洁癖不治而愈,曾经文艺青年的小矫情,不知几时会卷土重来,但至少现在,他是一个在任何环境下都能狼吞虎咽、见任何床都能呼呼睡着的人。
               
                父亲渐渐醒了,却没法理解自己为什么被困在一张陌生的床上,认定这是一场阴谋,忍不住要对周围的假想敌们拳打脚踢。他笑嘻嘻地打不还手、好言好语。人一出生,就是不会言语,全靠哭泣和身体语言;人之将亡,也是一样的路程。他认了。这是一笔古老的、20多年的债务,他得还。
               
                突然没有拖延症了。以前到公司,先开QQ、淘宝、微博……再打开工作文档,现在他对领导千恩万谢:这年头,能容下一个家里有病号的年轻人频频请假,容易吗?就在病房的走廊上,他全心工作,不时看一眼吊瓶。难得入睡的父亲像枚戒尺,强迫他静心。曾经天天抱怨“没有整块时间”,现在时间零散到以分钟计,他倒觉得绰绰有余了。
               
                也不再是暴躁的愣头青了。医护人员有时说话很冲:“你懂你上呀。”“医学不是万能的。”他恨得握紧拳头。一意识到,惊出一身汗,赶紧一根手指一根手指轻轻地放松:热血青年的不管不顾,是要由长辈来买单的。他能为了逞一时之勇带父亲转投另一家医院?更何况,他明白医生说的并没错。他的愤怒,不针对任何人,只缘于自己的无能为力,只缘于那种叫天不应、叫地不语的烦躁。
               
                父亲这一场病,拖了一年多,他始终身兼多职,还偷空见过几个天使投资人,谈了他多年的创业梦。父亲状态平稳后,他去递辞职信——再不开始,梦便永远是梦。他不想“子欲养而亲不待”,也不想“徒有梦而身不由己”。
               
                上司拍拍他的肩膀:“我看好你,孝顺的人,无事不成。”孝顺这个词,又熟悉又古怪,第一次放在他身上,他很不好意思,于是认认真真想:什么是孝顺。
               
                原来孝顺不仅仅是儿女对父母的爱、依赖与安全感,还是把爱化为具体,是不论多疲倦还是要站直,让老去的父母有个依靠;是不计前因后果的付出,不能回避、不能逃避的责任。不能大喊一声“老子不干了”就撂挑子,你做的每个决定,都是父母晚年的一滴水、一粒米,也是你毕生的心安。
               
                这还是一种人力的无可奈何:无论做了多少,到最后,一定是一场空。父母只会越来越老,步入死亡,所有的钱、时间、心力,都是扔到黑洞里去。但这是写在血里的承诺,是人类世代相传的根基。
               
                而他说:也许,我得到的更多。
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