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              雨楓軒原創文學網 - 純凈的綠色文學家園 !

              雨楓軒

              活著是日常,死去也是日常

              時間:2019-08-27來源:網友提供 作者:唐辛子 點擊:
              活著是日常,死去也是日常

               
                樹木希林去世的消息傳來,并沒有令人特別震驚,因為她在《小偷家族》里飾演奶奶初枝時,已經“死”過一次了。拍攝《小偷家族》時,樹木希林已經是待死之身:2004年,她患上乳腺癌,之后癌細胞向腸道、副腎、脊髓等處擴散;2013年,她被告知“全身都是癌”,而這一年她拍了3部電影,并憑《我的母親手記》獲得第36屆日本電影學院獎最佳女主角獎。
               
                日本媒體給樹木希林的定位是“個性派女演員”,因為她總是逆向而行:當其他女演員到了五六十歲仍作少女裝扮、力求返回20歲時,她則從20來歲開始就一直出演母親之類的老婦人角色。她將黑發染成花白,化裝出皺紋,為了掩飾過于年輕的手,不得不自始至終戴著手套。她演繹老婦人得心應手,以至人們都不太記得她也年輕過。
               
                年輕時的樹木希林對待愛情與婚姻的態度,也很有個性——她結婚又離婚,然后愛上了同樣很有個性的搖滾歌手內田裕也。兩個人都叛逆,他們閃電般地走進婚姻。婚后二人個性相克,甚至引發家庭暴力。兩個人結婚兩年就分居,而這一分居就是40年。分居期間,內田因各種問題被警察逮捕過不下3次。按當下的評估標準,內田裕也無疑是個深度“渣男”。除了前述種種劣跡,內田裕也還偷拿樹木希林的印章在離婚協議書上蓋章簽字,單方面決定與樹木希林離婚。
               
                按照一般思維,這樣一個深度“渣男”,離就離了吧,狠一點的女人,離完婚恐怕還要踹上對方幾腳才能解恨。樹木希林當然是個狠女人,但她是個有著非一般思維的狠女人。看看她對待癌細胞的態度就知道:知道癌細胞已擴散,她也不服用任何抗癌藥物,只使用重離子加速器照射,以減緩癌細胞擴散的速度。
               
                “患了癌,當然很在意了。可是人到了一定年紀,不只是癌,還會患上各種病,身體變得不自由,腰身沉重,老眼昏花穿不了針線。可是啊,這樣也很好。人就是在服侍自己的各種不自由當中變得成熟的。”這樣一個連癌都不愿割舍的女人,當然也不愿割舍她生命中癌一樣的男人。她說:“釋迦牟尼有一位弟子,叫提婆達多。這個人總是給釋迦牟尼制造各種困擾,甚至還想要釋迦牟尼的命。釋迦牟尼為此相當煩惱。有一天,釋迦牟尼頓悟:提婆達多正是為了令自己獲得醒悟,而作為困難制造者存在的。”
               
                那些難以制服的存在,正是映照自己的一面面鏡子。樹木希林身體里的癌和生命中的男人,都是難以制服的存在,都是她的提婆達多。所以,樹木希林說:“我已經邂逅過許許多多提婆達多了,不用說我自己也有過成為提婆達多的時候。但我并不因此屈服,而是接受它,將那些制造無奈與困難的存在,當成老師、先生。一旦你開始接受,就會看到許多不曾發現的美好。”
               
                樹木希林接受了身體里的癌,覺得它們并不那么可怕;她也接受了內田裕也這個麻煩的男人,并公開說:“我喜歡他,他的一切我都喜歡。如果有來生,我必須盡可能不跟他見面,因為若再次見面,我還是會喜歡上他并度過困難重重的一生。”
               
                樹木希林也接受了死亡。72歲時,她拍了一個“臨終宣言”廣告:“死的時候,就讓我由著性子吧!”那幅模仿名畫《奧菲利婭》的廣告宣傳畫上,樹木希林像奧菲利婭那樣平躺在一汪碧水之中,平和安詳,面帶微笑。畫面上寫著這樣幾行小字:“雖說人總是要死的/可長壽技術不斷進步/唉,竟然到了一個老也不死的時代呢/不要怠慢了死,也不要為死而焦慮/將一點一點的欲望,都放開吧/我想好好打扮上路/人死了,只是宇宙中的一粒塵埃/可至少也想成為一粒美麗的閃光的塵埃/這,便是我最后的欲望了。”
               
                活著是日常,死去也是日常——這是樹木希林的生死觀。當生死都不過是平常事時,一切恩怨都可以放下。所以樹木希林活著時能與屬于她的提婆達多相處,死去時也能由著自己的性子去死。
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