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              中国教育的巨大障碍或是母亲的过度陪护

              时间:2019-08-08来源:本站原创 作者:褦襶子 点击:
              母亲的过度陪护


                曾经看过一个材料,印度有条件地增加对女孩子的教育投入。符合条件的女孩子,整个求学过程(包括基础教育与高等教育)的费用全部都是由国家来出的。旨在从基因改良上提高民族素质。而中国的教育,却根本没有这种意识。
               
                目前,中国教育的巨大障碍就是母亲的过度陪护。由于整个社会重男轻女的意识与男女生理上的差异,绝大部分女孩都无法接受有效的启智教育。所以母亲的见识,成为孩子接受健全教育的巨大障碍。了解犹太民族的国人都知道,犹太民族是世界上得诺贝尔奖数量最多的民族,获奖比率是世界上任何一个民族都难以望其项背的。可是大概没有多少人知晓,犹太民族的女性半数以上都具有高学历。是世界上女性高级知识分子比例最高的民族。虽然不知道哪个民族能够排在第二位,可是即便统计出来,第二名连犹太女性的影都看不见。犹太民族经千余年不衰,分散世界各地千余年,犹太人的传统文化没有灭失,犹太女性居功至伟。可见,一个民族的女性素质与这个民族的整体素质息息相关。
               
                中国教育要想走出绝境,女性教育与老人教育的缺失是无法逾越的障碍。这里先不探讨老人教育,就说说女性教育。因为一个母亲,尤其是中国大陆的母亲,是对下一代成长影响最大的。可除了城市里家庭条件较好的工薪阶层的女孩与部分权贵阶层家庭的女孩外,绝大部分的女孩难以得到有效的素质教育,农村女孩子甚至谈不上什么有质量的教育。这应该是中国大陆农村农民素质始终没有明显改善的深刻根源之一吧。
               
                中国大陆人重视子女教育在世界上也是出了名的,可是效果反差之大也是世界上出了名的。原因之一就是,由于中国大陆人为不断加大的生活压力,致使赚钱养家几乎成了父亲唯一的家庭义务。子女的教育绝大多数都是由母亲来完成的。至少在城市里,大多数的孩子是由母亲陪伴走过整个基础教育受教育过程的。
               
                国门大开,世界上许多先进的教育理念也不可避免地影响着中国大陆的教育。可是孩子父母尤其是孩子母亲的见识成为孩子接受先进教育理念的巨大障碍。现在规范些的幼儿教育,已经认识到早期过度的文化教育对孩子智力发展的负面影响。可是由于幼儿教育商业化,具有先进教育理念的幼儿教育根本满足不了社会的需求,只有接受过正规高等教育,阅历丰富的父母,才肯花大价钱让孩子接受这样的幼儿教育。
               
                中国的传统,女性在找伴侣时,基本都是就高不就低。父母双方都接受过高等教育,又具有丰富阅历的非常少。相当一部分是母亲没有接受过太正规的高等教育(学历与学识相去甚远),绝大部分母亲根本没有接受过高等教育,他们对教育的认识就是随大溜。长期的应试教育,让相当多的父母将“应试”当成孩子唯一的日常生活。剥夺了孩子所有的其它健康生活需求,在这方面中国大陆的母亲成为用她们的爱残害孩子灵魂的最大群体。在这种母亲的意识里,孩子的脑袋就是一个箱子,只能装考试知识,其他的什么都容不下。这些母亲表面上是忧虑子女的未来,实际上潜意识里具有较强的私欲,想让孩子弥补她与孩子父亲未能实现的愿望。用她的意识替代了孩子的大脑。竭力残疾掉孩子健康的灵魂。
               
                一个以崇尚“听话”为判断孩子优劣的社会,叫嚣着培养创新人才,这不是滑天下之大稽么!孩子成长过程中是须要陪伴,可那最主要的是精神陪伴。一个身边总围绕着指手划脚的母亲的孩子精神如何能够健康成长!
               
                几乎所有中国大陆的母亲,都是拿孩子当宠物养。孩子是否让她满意几乎成了唯一的教育标准。至于如何能够提高孩子未来保障其生活福祉的能力,则是模糊的,甚至是从来没有想过的。据统计显示,母亲为孩子做的越多,对孩子的干预越多,孩子的成长质量越低。
               
                客观地讲,中国大陆的母亲为孩子做出的牺牲的确是世界上其他民族罕见的。可是她们的牺牲是为了她们心目中那个成年后的孩子,未必是孩子真实的需要。这种南辕北辙的牺牲做得越多,对于孩子的成长越是悲剧。
               
                父母的阅历的确是孩子一笔天生的财富。孩子的成长中也的确不乏被父母纠偏的实例。可是如果这笔财富的使用权不在孩子,而是被孩子的父母强制用在孩子身上,就可能埋葬孩子未来的成长健康。在这方面母亲则是实际的操盘手。余曾经多次在课堂上对学生们讲,第一个坑害你们的就是你们的父母,听到这话时,孩子们大多轻蔑的冷笑。可是当老师将父母对他们所做的一切剖析给孩子们听后,绝大多数的孩子头点的象鸡啄米似的。
               
                父母的潜意识里的确存在欲让孩子满足自己未曾实现的愿望的意图。可是如果说中国大陆的母亲大多目的明确地拿孩子来实现这种愿望也是不客观的。这种潜意识只是在教育孩子的过程中下意识地影响着相当多的父母。孩子成长的悲剧更多的是母亲的无知与急功近利在作祟(这到不是说父亲就一定比母亲见识高,只是在教育孩子的问题上绝大多数的家庭母亲“具有”决策权,并且是日常操盘手)。中国大陆的母亲都有拿自家的孩子与其他比自己家孩子优秀的孩子比;较的潜意识,这是传统文化中奴性的反映。
               
                传统文化中奴性十足的民族,大都喜欢为“族人”树立榜样。什么所谓榜样的力量是无穷的!“民可使由之,不可使知之”。国人在教育自己的孩子上,也习惯按照“榜样”来。绝少有父母意识到自己的孩子是个独立的人,他(她)有权凭借自己的判断来选择生活,或者说他(她)们有权选择不听话。教育只是为他们提供选择生活的能力与参考,“不听话”才是教育的终极目的。
               
                人的成长是个渐进过程,孩子的判断也是一个从不成熟到成熟的程序。最初孩子的判断与选择,自然存在着许多缺乏远见为表面现象所迷惑的错觉。可这不是父母剥夺其“成长权力”的理由,父母该做的只能是说服。因为只有“说服”才能不阻断孩子的成长。即便由于“说服”能力与孩子的“理解”能力欠缺,需要适当的强制,那也只能是辅助措施,并且不能是递增的,应该逐渐减少。如果父母对孩子的教育觉得“强制措施”的需要越来越多,那你一定是误入歧途,走下去的结果必然适得其反。
               
                许多父母感觉在教育孩子上面的投入,力不从心。那一定是教育理念出现问题了。小树大多数的情况下是需要自然成长的,大家吃食物都喜欢选择自然熟,排斥人工催熟的“拔苗助长”,可是在教育孩子上,却不遗余力地进行人工干预。华人民间有种俚语:“懒妈养勤快孩子”。说的就是这种道理。“事”都让母亲做了,剥夺孩子“做事”的机会,就等于剥夺了孩子成长的权力。
               
                相当多的母亲以为,自己把孩子学习以外的事都做了,孩子就会多些时间学习,多些时间学习,学习成绩就会提高。直到她们用辛劳将孩子“爱”得越来越厌学,还不知道自己是“罪魁祸首”。其实这都是“大河没水小河干”、“没有国哪有家”等违背常识的教育种下的恶果。往孩子的脑袋里装知识,不似往箱子里装东西,只要有空间就能够装进去!它不仅需要时间,更需要“状态”。这“状态”就是对美好生活的希冀。中国大陆的许多母亲强行剥夺了孩子感受生活美好的权力,把孩子弄得象个苦行僧一般,孩子学习哪来的动力,哪还会有什么“状态”!
               
                余从事班主任工作多年,最初也无奈地受这种“传统”的胁迫。可当余有能力改变这种愚昧行为时,就顶着压力与风险努力改变这种“传统”了。目前许多学校还依然秉承这种理念,除了考试科目外,其他科目都只是走走形式,有时甚至连形式都懒得走。临近期中和期末考试,音乐、美术、体育课都要停课,课余活动更是严禁。美其名曰抓紧时间学习。似乎只要有时间,成绩就能上去。到毕业年级,学生甚至连间操都要被停掉。可是余对自己班里的学生却要求,下课都必须到楼外走一圈(谁下课不离开教室要被取消参加体育活动的资格一周,并罚抄写需要记忆的知识),即便体育课被停掉,余也每天给孩子们至少一节体育活动的时间(其实这正是教育行政部门的要求,但绝大多数学校都做不到,并得到家长们的广泛支持),只是对“体育活动”做出些要求:“学生要带着某些需要记忆科目的书,以互相问答的形式温习考试内容”。
               
                人持续以同一种方式接受某种东西,会产生接受疲劳。许多父母在孩子学习问题上就象从小给孩子吃“肯德基”,一吃十几年,其他东西都不让吃,哪怕是再好的东西,这样吃下去,孩子要是闻到不恶心才怪。知识是好东西,可是不能这个学习法,否则就象吃“肯德基”一般。现在许多孩子不是不知道知识的重要性,可是他(她)们被剥夺了学习以外的几乎所有生活权力,难免会象吃了十几年“肯德基”一样,听到学习就如同闻到“肯德基”的味道,本能就会产生排斥反应,学习效果怎能好。
               
                “爱”也是会害人的,而且“爱”对人的伤害往往比恨还要重。对于孩子自然不能放任自流,可是也并不是为孩子做出的“牺牲”越多越好。如果你以培养一个“听话”的孩子为终极目标,那你的牺牲则毫无价值,或许还是对孩子的一种伤害。伟大的母亲们,留些爱给你自己与孩子的父亲,这或许是对孩子更深厚的爱。因为恩爱的父母,对孩子心理健康的影响是无可替代的。
              作品集褦襶子 责任编辑:秋雨枫
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