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              我一直为了别人而成长,却从未停下脚步仔细思考原因

              时间:2019-08-18来源:本站原创 作者:鲁三冰 点击:
               
              开始一个人回忆曾经的岁月,迷茫中,早已不记得那时的人,只记得那时的彼岸花依旧还开着,只是无人过问。
               
              我想了很久,最想做的还是写一本属于自己的东西,可是,写什么好呢!小说?没时间,也没精力;文章?规矩太多,不喜欢条条框框的束缚;剧本?这个实际点,可是就我这三脚猫的功夫,一个剧本写下来,会不会直接废掉;那写生活琐事?又太不实际,现在的人谁没有生活,可关键是这生活该怎样去说,用什么方式去说。
               
              抱着这样的想法,我想起了初中李老师(考虑到一些问题,这里就不直接说恩师的名字了。)的一句话:是金子总会发光,是好学生终究会通过自己的努力取得好成绩。没有恩师,我也就不会有今天,是他曾经鼓励我教会了我写文,可惜的是恩师教了我五年,而我真正跟恩师学习只是在留级后的两年,可能是因为恩师带过我三年,然后留级之后又恰好找了他,所以他对我的态度和其他人才有一定的区别吧!我说的不是对待上的区别,而是相比起其他人来说,他对我还要严格一些。当时我所在的年级中有六个班级,而我却被分到了六班,最后的班级,我想可能也是因为这个关系,恩师才在我的作文中留下了那一句话,现在想想,心里都还是满心的感激。
               
              先声明一下,以下是我的写作开始的源头,与作品有一定的关连,在我还在读小学的时候,有一个因我弟养成的习惯,那就是每夜给他讲故事,那时的我弟不知为何,很怕黑,按他的说法是他在夜里看见了一只老虎趴在窗前,吓着他了,也是从这次之后,我便开始了我的“口书”,一直到初一的时候……
               
              我很清楚的记得那一夜我做的梦,一只巨大的鲨鱼出现在了我的梦中,然后就是个人梦中的操作……我成了拯救世界的英雄……第二天,我便开始了我的梦中“手书”,第一个故事《超能圣兽》。
               
              初中,我与弟弟搬与父母一起住,那个讲故事的习惯还是没有改变,可是至从我弟接触了“万恶的电子书”后,就渐渐离开了我的故事……在读上一个初三的时候,我便已经开始了“诗”的写作,那时只是写着玩,没想过那么多。初三,我清楚的记到我的同班同学的恶行,拿着我的“手书”在全班大张旗鼓的念着,从那次之后,我便下定决心好好写东西,我一定要让那些曾经看不起我的人后悔。
               
              留级之后,一次偶然的机会,我把自己写的一首诗拿给恩师帮忙修改,当时作诗真的差到了极点,但是恩师却依然给我修改,至此之后,便开始了我真正的写作之旅,每一次一有新的作品,我就会兴高采烈的拿给恩师看,但文笔真的烂到了极点,唯一可以算得上好的,就是我的情感。
               
              从小学开始,我就受到家庭的影响,“做一个好人”,也许在很多人看来,世界的好人多了去了,这并不算什么,但是我想告诉你的是,我家一家人养成了一个习惯——只对外人好。
               
              初中,我看到了一个让我继续坚持本心的人,那就是我的恩师,以至于后来很多知道我和恩师的人都说,我和他太像了,都是同一个性格,没多大的差别。直到现在我一提到这件事,心里都是暖暖的高兴,能和恩师有如此的“同心之德”,岂不美哉!
               
              我的初中,认识了一个后来与我相伴了六年的人,我最好的朋友——小威,好到什么程度呢!我会因为他的喜乐而伤悲,也是因为他,我初三的时候开始写日记,可以说是关于他的日记。后来的我,渐渐离不开他,然而一切却因为我成绩的原因和他渐渐分离,没能和他一起上高中,但好在我还和他读同一个学校,一有时间,我们就会一起出去游,又三年之后,他成功考取了大学,而我却留了下来,虽然我们分开了,可是呢!他每一次回来还是会找我,与小威相伴的六年里,我在留级后喜欢上了一个女孩——优。
               
              最好的开始,最不完美的结束,大学了,我至今都还没有谈过一次恋爱,这就最好的证明了追求优的成败,但当时的我却因为优对我的一切,而渐渐开始有了所为的“诗人心”,其实就是想要得到却得不到的苦楚。我把对她的一切写进了诗中,这就是上文所说的一次偶然的机会,但在那两年里,我写的大多是友情,直到因为某种原因,我感觉恩师不想再让我写东西了,于是我写了第一篇诗歌《灯火下的园丁》,情到深处的我一直写到了晚上,本来以为是最后一次,不想却是另一个新开始。用诗歌继续表达我的生活,我进入了高中,离开了恩师,却遇见了另一个她——兰。
               
              我的高中,在忙碌中度过,可能是留级后的我开始有了自己的独到之处吧!所以刚进高中,我就开启了我那所为的拯救一班的旅程,三年,我第一时间考虑的,便是我的一班,可以说是处处为他们着想,但也因此开罪了不少人。不过,我心甘情愿。
               
              与兰的开始,是我刚进高中的时候,一切因为我的缘故,三年,兰没再理我,这也许就是他们所说的相思吧!对于兰,我没有太多的表达,但却一直存在。可能是因为有一班吧!
              高三,我认识了凡,一个后来到大一都一直联系的红颜知己,与凡,我过多的是对她的保护,但也伤害了她。或许在一些人看来,是她对我有伤,但我后来渐渐的离开,却是我真真实实去做的一件事,至于是为什么,我也不打算说了。
               
              三年中,我经历了太多,如果每一件事都说得极细的话,可能真的三天三夜都说不完吧!
               
              大学,令我最疼痛的季节,现在我大二了,可这大学却也不肯放过我应有的伤悲,与念之的相识,是在图书馆,从一开始的执着,到最后的离别,却也仿如过了几度春秋,令人心寒。
               
              如果我没了以后,那前半生的我也算是功德圆满了吧!那就让我继续书写后半生的“我书”,以求来生彼岸的蹉跎。
               
              做一个有故事的人,随心所欲才能敞开心扉。放下一段仅有的回忆,是一个人对另一个人的应有的解脱,也是本我因有的洒脱。相遇已是今生最大的缘,又何苦执着于带给你悲伤的细节,从此相思不了了。这一生,生来便是自己最大的王,所有本该解释的回忆都只是一场空无。
               
              做一个自由的自以为是的人,不再去看着别人的眼光过日子,这才是我想要的生活。
               
               
              本书名取于大一寒假打工期间,《半壶灵江语》是在工作时所写的诗,收录的全是大学作品。
               
              2018年10月28日
               
              鲁三冰
              作品集鲁三冰 责任编辑:秋雨枫
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